...and I got introduced to those boundaries in a way I never imagined I would. Boundaries in human relationships. To my surprise, EVERY person I spoke to about my experience, seemed to know about those boundaries, only i wasnt aware of it. I started to think, as always. Voiced my thoughts, feelings and people said i was wrong. Probably I was, I dunno. but can feelings ever be wrong, can they? Anyways, this time, I didnt want to talk to ppl...decided to write instead. :) Home. To many, its mom dad and kids. Most of the times. Extended family was...extended family. But for me, as a kid, home was extended family included. Dad n mom saw it that way, and we (my bro n I) too were made to see it that way. But am talking only about myself here. Dads pampered daughter, queen of the house, did what I wanted, said what I wanted even in the presence of the extended family who visited us often, some lived with us a few years... in short, I did not see any boundaries between my home and extended family. Cousins. i enjoyed being with them. Laughed,yelled and shouted at them, shared my space, my things...
I became older. It was time to go away from home for a career. Went to stay with one of my extended families for a while till I found a place to stay on my own. I got a taste of those boundaries for the first time there. ppl tried to show me its not my dads house am in. this is ours. not yours. It hurt. I cried. More than that, i began questioning the values i was brouthg up with. i asked appa " u told me to see all of them as our own..now what ahppened? i did not get it back from them ". he tried to talk to me, but i wasnt convinced. Hurt, anger ( am very short tempered btw, people knew that too) confusion were there within me. But I started to love on my own in a PG and I must say those were the best days of my life. These issues became too small compared the freedom I enjoyed. But as a person, I changed a little. My belief, my thoughts about a family changed... Before i go on further, i would like to tell about me n my appa. He is my hero, inspite of his flaws and inspite of the arguements and disagreements we have. I admire him, could talk to him like I talk to a friend. We discuss sports, movies, gossip. I remember we used to even watch athletics together when I was much younger. He talks a lot about his life too. And, I am my father...guess that sums it all up. his thoughts register in my head very strongly n easily than anybody else's.
Marriage...a whole lot of changes. Made me realise all families were not the same. Not everybody saw a family they way mom n dad did. Boundaries everywhere...extended family and yoru next door neighbour were on the same pedestal. I was lost for a while. Right or wrong, maybe natural, I compared everything and everyone. I realised at one point I shouldnt compare, but I was confused. I still discuss things with my dad, and I can say only his views matter the most to me on any issue. But I missed being my dads little girl. Life goes on, and am fortunate to have a good one...
there is a fear though.. Who will I talk to after my dad. Is there anybody to take my dads place?. To pamper me like he did?. to hear me out on any issue the way he hears me?
That person came too. A person from the extended family. And I held on tightly to him. He was just like how my dad was to me. He was a friend. he had the same values as my dad, i thought. Could talk to him about everything. I could call him any time of the day or night and talk. The boundaries I got a taste of disappeared in my head and I was this happy, saying what I want pampered girl again. Boundaries from other people did not affect me at all. But he too had a life. N there were people in his life. I believed those people would adjust for me. But I was wrong. NO!. It was his life and if I was demanding, he would draw a boundary too. And thats exactly what he did. suddenly said its not possible to talk to me all the time...and worse..."you r old enough to manage on your own ". But then, this boundary hit like a thunderbolt. I was very unhappy n upset.People I talked to told me...every relationship has a boundary...
I see my son. I can see myself in him. I can see his eyes glow at thought of meeting his uncles n aunties, maamas n maamis n cousins. I can see him talking to them like he has known them for ages. They enjoy him too. The mother in me bursts out to tell him...be within ur limits. every relationship has a boundary. but, i dont. feel its like corrupting a young mind. i just convince myself saying he is too young n will grow differently from me. huge family get togethers n functions n celebrations r fast dying anywyas....so maybe he wudnt come across what i did... maybe he wouldnt mind those boundaries...maybe he would draw some himself...
Am now a grown up i can say. :) i learnt i can never be my dads girl with anyone ever again! :)
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